


Deja Vu

by momjeansenthusiast



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Established Relationship, Eventual Smut, F/M, Married Couple, Oral Sex, Protective Kylo Ren, Slow Burn, Smut, reader is torn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:21:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24829024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/momjeansenthusiast/pseuds/momjeansenthusiast
Summary: You awake alone in the medbay with no memories of who you are or how you got there. Soon you find out you're the most powerful women in the galaxy, married to the Supreme Leader of the First Order, Kylo Ren. Without your past will you still stay with him or will the light draw you away from his darkness.Fresh starts aren't always what they seem.Will update tags/summery as I go!
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 13
Kudos: 65





	1. Mind in Retrograde

Bright white lights glared through the skin of your eyelids, stirring you. As you came to your senses, you noticed how heavy and cold you felt, as if you couldn’t move a muscle. Slowly you regained feeling in all of your body, wiggling your fingers and toes, trying to stretch your arms underneath the itchy blanket that was draped over you. 

“Ah ah ah,” A soft voice chided. It sounded far away but you couldn't be sure as you hadn’t been able to open your eyes yet, the lids feeling weight down and heavy. “Don’t try to move too much, dear, or you’ll rip a stitch.” 

_“Stitches?”_ You thought groggily. 

Then soft hands gently nudged your shoulders down, stopping you from sitting up. You huffed as your back hit the mattress again, the confusion and fear setting in. Gritting your teeth, you forced your eyes open, ignoring the pain from the bright overhead lighting. 

You peered about the room, the metal paneling on the wall reflecting your blurry image back at you. You realized you weren’t in a room at all, but in an open space with three curtains drawn to hide your bed. The person who’d warned you about the stitches was in the corner, a plump woman dressed in white, with a red emblem you couldn’t quite make out on her right breast pocket. 

As she flashed you a reassuring smile, you finally looked down at your own person, horrified by the wires and tubes that perturbed from your skin. Your body was covered in vast bruises, some still looked fresh, boasting intense black and purple, but some seemed to be in better shape, a healing green or yellow color. You noticed the stitches she mentioned, the sewn red line curved down your right arm. Slowly, you began to realize how much your body _ached._

As you assessed your injuries, you tried to remember what happened, when the terrible thought occurred. You didn’t know how you got injured, much less who and where you were. Panic began seeping into your body, your heart monitor leaping from a steady beat to a fast march, beats almost too fast to count.

Suddenly, half a dozen more people were in your curtained room, all speaking over another as your vision blacked out. Right before the black consumed you again, you could’ve sworn you heard someone call you “empress.”

* * *

When you awoke again, the lights were dimmer, warmer. You thanked your blessings, as you didn’t know how long you could keep your eyes open in the bright room. With a deep sigh, you opened your eyes. The room was mostly the same, the nurse still in the corner, but now a handsome man in black sat in a chair opposite you. His large body almost comedically curled up in the small chair. 

“Where am I?” You asked, your voice hoarse like sandpaper, hardly louder than a whisper. 

The nurse swiftly came to your bedside, still smiling kindly. “Milady, you’re on the medbay. You were in a horrific accident. If not for your husband,” she gestured to the man in black, “You may not have made it out.”

“H-husband? Who am I?” Your voice was shaking. You were terrified, all you wished was to wake up from this nightmare. 

The kind smile on her face morphed into one of pity. “Oh dear, it’s worse than I feared. The doctor said amnesia was a _possibility_ but we-”

She was cut off as you began to cry, soft sobs shaking your chest. 

“Milady, please, don’t cry,” she placed her wrinkled hand atop yours. 

“Who _am_ I?” You cried. 

“Your name is (Y/N), the Supreme Lady of the First Order, ma’am.”

Disorientation clouded your thoughts. _First order? Supreme lady?_ All of these words felt foreign, much less applicable to you. 

You tried to steady your breathing, to keep your calm. Unfortunately, a few tears betrayed your resolve and slipped down your cheeks, following the path carved out for them by your crying earlier. 

After a short moment, the nurse left the room, saying she was going to go update the doctor on your status, leaving you alone with the man you assume was your husband. You craned your neck to get a better look at him. He was certainly tall, that much was clear by how his body dwarfed the chair under him. He wore all black, matching his dark black waves that flowed freely around his face. Under his hair, you could see the strong shape of his nose and the plump of his lips. 

You supposed if you had to be married to someone you didn’t remember, he was certainly not the worst looking man you could’ve ended up with. 

He stirred slightly in his sleep, turning his head, giving you a full view of his face. Now, you could see the deep red scar that marred the left side of his face. The sight made your heart clench, though you didn’t quite know why, you don’t even remember the man. You glanced down at the stitching on your own arm, wondering if it would match his cheek. The idea made you smile slightly, enjoying the idea of being tied to him, your husband, in a way you could see. 

Then, you began to analyze everything the nurse had told you, she kept calling you _milady_ and said you were the “ _Supreme Lady?”_ You wondered if that meant you had a place of power? Even more, you wondered what kind of accident would rob you of your memories, and leave you so broken. 

The nurse and a woman you supposed was the doctor appeared at the opening to the curtains. “Supreme Leader?” The doctor called, waking the man next to you. Not ready to face the man you supposedly were married to, you quickly turned your head to the side, as if you’d fallen back asleep. 

You heard his footsteps lead him away from your bed, outside the cover of the curtains. The doctor spoke in a hushed voice, obviously not wanting to upset him. Her plan obviously failed, because the next thing you heard was the man screaming. 

“NO!” He cried. A red beam of light cut through the curtain and into the wall in front of you, making you jump. The strange sword was aglow as if it were on fire but in the most beautiful way. You were entranced by the scarlet light. 

The man stormed back into your room, leaning over you, gripping your shoulders. His deep brown eyes bored into yours, his breathing frenzied. 

“(Y/N), you _have_ to remember me. Please, baby, _please,”_ his voice was shaking, tears evident in his beautiful eyes, his intense gaze never left your face, searching for any ounce of recognition. 

Your lip quivered, tears now streaming heavily down your face once again. “No, I’m sorry. I… I don’t remember _anything_.” Your voice was soft, barely audible over your tears. 

He kept his eyes on you for a beat longer, before standing up straight. His face now like stone, no emotion anywhere to be found. A stark juxtaposition to just a few moments ago. He grabbed a black helmet, which you hadn’t seen, off the floor, placing it atop his head, hiding his face from your view. 

“Fix her,” he said to the doctor as he left, his deep voice now modulated by the helmet. 

Your heart clenched at his words. He was right, you were _broken._

The man, your husband, whose name you still didn’t know, left, leaving you in the care of the medical staff once again. Leaving you alone.


	2. The First of Many

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your eyelids were growing heavier and heavier, your mind teetering on the precipice of consciousness. Just as your eyes were closing for the last time that night, you saw the curtain in front of you rustle. You tried to fight the slumber that was blanketing you to see who was there, but you were too far gone. 
> 
> That was the first night you dreamt of Kylo Ren.

The days following all blended into an unintelligible blur of tubes and needles, endless questions and exams, and loneliness. Despite having hardly left the 36 square foot enclosure, you felt exhausted. The pale paisley curtains burned their way into your mind, almost haunting you like a nightmare. Everyday was the same. In the morning, the nurse, whose name you learned was Nana, woke you up, gave you meds, took vitals, then left you alone for a few hours until she repeated it all over again at lunch time. The doctor would maybe visit occasionally, and you hadn’t seen the man since you woke up, but mostly you were alone, trapped.

At one point the neurologist on board recommended for you to journal every day in hopes to help build your memory, or at the very least stop any further amnesia development. Luckily, Nana helped fill in the gaps wherever she could. 

For example, you learned the man, your husband’s name was Kylo Ren. And that he was the supreme leader of the First Order, which was the governing body of the galaxy. You’d tried to push her for more information on him, you, your life together, but she refused. She wanted you to hear it from him, which was becoming increasingly unlikely since he still had not returned to see you. Not since he demanded you be “ _ fixed.”  _

Though you didn’t know much about your mystery groom, you hated to admit he frightened you some. Just the fear in Nana’s voice whenever she mentioned him, he must be a terrifying man. You weren’t surprised by the looks of him. A large man, draped in black, with a mask? He was ...intimidating, to say the least. 

After the four days had passed since you woke up, you were allowed some movement privileges, being escorted by soldiers in white suits. Stormtroopers they’d been called. The friendlier trooper had introduced herself as TK-8473, she showed you all around the Finalizer, the large ship where many of the elite First Order leaders lived. 

Though you didn’t have any memories of what a “normal” spacecraft looked like, the Finalizer was a gargantuan goliath, thick metal sheeting everywhere. Despite being a battleship, it truly was beautiful. The trip around the various key spots on the ship was long. Once in the mess hall, you had to pause and take a seat; your body was too tired after the recent lack of use. 

On the bench to the table, you were soon approached by various stormtroopers, both in and out of uniform, greeting you and giving you, and your husband, their well wishes. One of them, a younger boy who didn’t look a day over 15, came up to you, toothy grin shining. 

“Good afternoon, Milady. I am so glad you are well! The whole First Order was so worried when they’d heard what happened on Crait-”

“That’s enough FN-9861. Return to your seat,” TK-8473 cut him off. The young man returned to his table filled with more adolescents, tail between his legs, but excited nonetheless. 

You flushed when all of their eyes were on you. 

Your grand tour continued, stopping once again in the armory and the training rooms, both for you to get a better look as well as rest. You were growing tired of your body’s nearly constant fatigue. 

Finally, you began to recognize some of the ship again, realizing you must have completed your loop around the vessel. 

“And here,” TK-8473 said gesturing to a long dark hallway, “Is the hall leading to your quarters.” Though you couldn’t see her face behind the white helmet, you thought you could hear a smile in her voice. 

Looking down the ominous hall, your stomach lurched.  _ Your Quarters?  _ You were baffled by the life you seemed to have lived previous to when you awoke just a few days prior. 

“May I see it?” You asked, curious of what clues about your life you could find in your quarters. 

You could hear her breath hitch behind the mask. “Oh, um. No, Milady. The Supreme Leader, your … erm husband, had requested you not enter without him.”

“Oh.”

“My apologies ma’am.” She sounded sincere, but that did nothing to quell your growing curiosity about your life. 

“It’s fine. I would like to return to the medbay now, I am very tired,” you said with a sheepish look on your face. You didn’t like how weak your body was. Especially your arm, with the still healing stitches. It made journaling ever more frustrating. 

Back in the security of your cot, you ate the grey, colorless dinner that was provided for you. You did your best to swallow the dull mush, knowing you needed your strength, but it proved difficult. 

After journaling the day’s events, taking the last of your medication from Nana, you were tucking in for the night. Whatever she gave you at night made you incredibly sleepy. Soon, your eyelids were growing heavier and heavier, your mind teetering on the precipice of consciousness. Just as your eyes were closing for the last time that night, you saw the curtain in front of you rustle. You tried to fight the slumber that was blanketing you to see who was there, but you were too far gone. 

* * *

That was the first night you dreamt of Kylo Ren. 

__

> _You were in a lush green field, large waterfalls roaring gently in the background, blue skies shining down. It was like watching a movie through someone’s eyes, participating but not in control._
> 
> _ You realized your husband, Kylo, was next to you, but he looked… different. His hair was shorter, no scar on his cheek, clothed in light linens instead of heavy black robes, but mostly he seemed happier? The two of you sat on a large blue gingham blanket, bodies very close to one another. Your hands were intertwined, your head on his shoulder.  _
> 
> _ “(Y/N?)” he asked.  _
> 
> _ “Yes?” You lifted your head to face his.  _
> 
> _ “You know those dreams I’ve been having… the bad ones?” _
> 
> _ You nodded.  _
> 
> _ “I can’t stop them. They come almost every night.” You squeezed his hand as his breathing stuttered. “They scare me,” his voice was soft at the end, afraid of how you would respond.  _
> 
> _ You waited for him to continue, knowing he still had more to say.  _
> 
> _ “Then, yesterday, I overheard my Uncle Luke talking to my mother. (Y/N), he said I’m… he said I am “too far gone,” that the dark side is too strong in me,” the fear began to permeate his voice even more.  _
> 
> _ “I am so scared, I don’t know what to do. The dark and light… they both pull me so strongly I fear I may be torn apart.” Silent weeps wrecked your lover’s heart.  _
> 
> _ “Love, look at me,” you shushed, placing a hand gently on his cheek so he may meet your eyes, “I love you. I do not care what you choose, light or dark, so long as you know who you are. As long as you believe you are right, I shall be by your side.” _
> 
> _ Suddenly, his large, rough hands shot out, grabbing your face as he pulled you close. His lips came crashing down on yours, love pouring through the kiss. You tangled your fingers in his soft black hair, trying to pull him impossibly closer.  _
> 
> _ After a moment, when neither of you could breathe, you parted, still staying close, breathing each other's air. You pressed a soft peck to the tip of his nose.  _
> 
> _ “I love you,” you breathed.  _
> 
> _ Kylo pressed his forehead against yours still maintaining eye contact, the intensity building.  _
> 
> _ “Marry me, (Y/N).” _

You awoke from your slumber abruptly, being shaken, a loud voice penetrating your delightful dream world. 

“Milady, please wake up!”

You shot up, sitting up way too fast, black spots now clouding your vision. 

“What? What's wrong?” You mumble, still not fully awake. 

“Ma’am you were crying in your sleep… loudly.”

“Oh…” you breathed, now embarrassed, “I’m sorry.”

Before Nana could reassure you, the curtain opened again, another urse whose name you didn’t know peeked her head in. 

“My apologies for interrupting Milady, but the Supreme Leader is here to see you ma’am.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in two days? Didn't know that was possible! I hope you enjoy this chapter! Its a little short but I felt I'd said what i wanted to say. But I hope you all enjoy! Thank you for reading!m<3


	3. Unexpected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally after seeing your elusive husband once agin, you are allowed to move back into your quarters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up, this isn't proof read so i'm sorry for any errors!

“My apologies for interrupting Milady, but the Supreme Leader is here to see you ma’am.”

You were just staring at Nana, unable to truly process what she was saying. You’d not learned much about your elusive spouse, most people either too afraid or downright unwilling to give you any details about him. It had been days since he stormed out after you awoke, and you’d not seen or heard from him since. 

Trying desperately not to look like a fish out of water as your mouth opened and closed, you were finally able to articulate a response. 

“Alright Nana, send him in.” She quickly ducked out, gathering your husband, you assumed. You tried to sit up straighter, smoothing the wrinkly hospital cot blankets that covered you. The faded pastel blue sheets only served to make your already dull skin look even more sickly. 

A moment later, a large dark mop of hair peeked out from the curtains, followed by broad shoulders, a strong chest, and long legs. You were finally given a proper chance to eye the man you married but had no memory of. _Except for the dream._

He was even larger than you remembered, looking like he could tower over you easily. He was once again draped in black garments, a heavy black robe flowing behind him. He was just _staring_ at you, an unreadable expression heavy in his eyes. 

“Uhm,” you cleared your throat, “Good afternoon, Supreme Leader.” You averted your eyes after accidentally making eye contact. He _oozed_ power, his body language that of an apex predator, superiority flowing through his stance in front of you. 

“Kylo,” he corrected, the name clipping his tongue, “It’s just Kylo for you.” The hesitation in his voice made it seem like he was holding something back… Sadness? Longing? Guilt? It was hard to place, but it made your heart clench. 

“Kylo,” You agreed, your acknowledgement bringing the faintest hint of a smile to his lips. 

“So…” He stared at you, searching your face for recognition that wasn't there. “How have you been since you woke up?” He was awkward, tension thick in the air. Neither of you knew how to approach the situation. You were confused and lost while he yearned for the you he’d known before. 

“I’ve been alright, the staff is very nice. I do wish I could get around more, but I understand it’s for my safety.” As you spoke, he sat once again in the too-small chair at your bedside. You almost wanted to laugh, the idea of making small talk with your husband seemed so out of place. 

“Good.” He looked around the room, clearly feeling the awkwardness. 

Silence hung in the air for a few minutes, both of you absorbing the other’s presence. You felt bad for Kylo, because to you, you were in a room with a stranger, he was in a room with his wife who couldn’t even recognize him. Eventually, the quiet became too much and your curiosity got the best of you. 

“What happened to me?” As you spoke, you hadn’t noticed the small lump forming in the back of your throat. 

“You got hurt,” he said the words as if they were like knives in his mouth, full of pain and anguish. 

He didn’t continue, so you looked at him, eyebrows raised urging him to go on. 

“We were on Crait, a salt planet, and Lu- my uncle and I were fighting and you,” a beat, “You got worried for me, and you came off the ship to help and-. Well, you were thrown into the rocks. You hit your head really hard.” His voice began to shake as he recounted your injury, his bottom lip quivering, eyes brimmed with heavy tears that did not fall. Even through his vulnerability though, you still couldn’t shake the feeling he was holding something back. 

“Oh,” was all you could manage to say. Desperately you tried to reconstruct the event in your mind, longing for memories. 

Silence overtook the room once again, now heavier with sadness. Both of you mourning who you _were_ , as well as the past life you’d created together. You wanted to mention your dream, but you didn’t want to get his hopes up either. The doctor made it clear that the possibility of recovering _any_ of your memories was slim, much less all of them. She thought it was probably just a dream, a figment of your imagination, your mind desperately trying to make sense of the strange world you were now in. 

“Tell me about my life," you said so softly you weren’t sure he could've heard, "please.”

He smiled a little bigger now, even laughing some, sadness still evident in his entire being. “You, my empress, are the most fiery woman I’ve ever met.” He grabbed your hand. You did not know if he noticed, but it was the first time he’d touched you. 

“You were born on Coruscant, but you grew up on Naboo. You had parents, and a little brother named Jido. Your family were initially farmers in Dee'ja Peak before your mother got involved in politics and became a senator in The New Republic Senate. That’s how we met.” His pleading eyes met yours, wishing for some sort of memory to come. It never did. 

Trying to remember every single detail he told you, you began to craft the story of your life. 

“Were you in the senate?”

He smiled another sad smile, “No, love, my” he paused again, “ _My mother_ was a senator. But all of that is unimportant. You’re here with me now, and that is _all_ that matters,” he said firmly.

You nodded, understanding the past may be difficult for him to talk about, especially since you could no longer share it with him. 

Something jingled and you jumped at the strange noise, eyes searching for it’s source. 

He patted your hand again, “It’s just my datapad- oh right. I guess you don’t remember these. I'll show you soon,” he promised. 

After reading the message on his screen, his demeanor changed once again, a hard exterior showing itself once again. 

“I must go,” he stood and left swiftly, not even saying goodbye. 

After he was gone, you faintly heard his booming voice in the hallway, “Bring her to our quarters.”

Despite the physical and emotional exhaustion that consumed your body, you felt a new surge of energy, almost giddy at the idea of _leaving_ the medbay permanently. Of going to your room. The opportunities to finally get a good night’s rest and explore yourself were fueling your new fire to understand _who_ you are. 

* * *

As you were escorted by TK-8473, the stormtrooper from the tour, to your old quarters, you began to feel uneasy, butterflies swarming around in your gut. You tried to shake the strange feeling as you walked down the long, ornate hallway to the doors, but still it persisted. You felt as if you’d made this trek before, but not just to the quarters, which would be obvious, but under the same high intensity observation. 

Another trooper whose ID you hadn’t gotten was carrying your medical equipment and treatment a few paces behind, all to help accelerate your healing now that you were pout of the medbay’s safety. TK-8473 was talking about something on the long walk but you weren’t really paying attention. You were too involved in your own worries to hear her. 

“... and so that’s how I accidentally kissed a wookie. Well, Milady, we are here.”

You lifted your haze from the floor, eyeing the monstrous doors before you, probably well over twelve feet tall, looked to weigh a ton, the metal thicker than your forearm. She gestured for you to go in, her white gloves ushering you in the strange space. 

The room you first entered was a magnificent and bright area, the exact opposite of what you were expecting. The rest of the ship was very cold and unwelcoming. In your quarters, there were varying shades of wood covering the floors, crisp white walls, plants scattered about. It looked like a _home_ , not the “Supreme Leader’s” quarters. As you further explored, you only saw more evidence of a lightness in the atmosphere. 

The kitchen had bright blue and yellow painted cabinets, a rickety and clearly handmade table, as well as a bouquet of flowers on the table. You looked at the card, which in a very elegant script, simply read: “Empress.” Your heart fluttered. 

Further in the apartment, you were taken aback by how lived in and comfortable the space was, not dark dreary and cold like you were expecting. Like you husband seemed to be, for that matter. 

However, closer to the back of the main living space, you found a door, but when you attempted to open it, the handle was locked. You swiftly moved on, forgetting about the door quickly. 

Soon, you found your bedroom. Your _shared_ bedroom. 

You opened the door slowly, as if a monster was hiding behind waiting to scare you. As the door opened wider, you began to see more of the aesthetic you were expecting. The room had black walls, and black marble floors, so shiny they casted your reflection back up at you. There were ever so frequent splashes of red accent, but for the most part the room was just a pitch black hole. Flipping on the lights, stepping inside, you began to sense something. Something… sinister. It made your chest feel tight, your ears ringing. You tried to pass it off as nerves, but you couldn’t even convince yourself. 

It was only at that moment you noticed TK-8473 wasn’t with you. You turned around, leaving the ominous bedroom, looking for her. 

She was still standing at the door, ready and waiting. You gestured for her to step inside, but she simply held up a gloved hand. 

“My apologies Miss, but the Supreme Leader has forbidden any staff from entering without his express permission.”

You rolled your eyes, not understanding their fear. Kylo seemed to be kind when he was in the medbay with you. “Are you sure you can’t come in?” 

She shook her helmeted head ‘no’ softly. Eventually she gave you space alone in your quarters to explore. 

You ventured back into the bedroom, trying to ignore how stuffy the black made it feel. Walking into the en suite refresher, your heart leapt when you saw the humongous free standing, claw-foot tub. At that moment, the idea of a bath sounded almost orgasmic, you were so stressed and felt so grimy.

You rummaged around in the cabinets looking for a towel, eventually happening upon a large fluffy red towel. You hummed softly to yourself an unknown tune as you prepped the bath, turning the hot water on and utilizing the bath bubbles next to the tub. 

After undressing and climbing in the tub, you could feel the tension stored in your muscles slowly fading away. 

As you soaked, relishing in the luxurious feeling, your mind began to drift, trying to understand what happened to you. How you got to this place. Since you had no memory of your life before, you had no idea who you even were, no idea of what you liked. You relied so much on those around you, it made you feel weak. 

Slowly the warm water lulled you off to sleep. 

> You were in the same claw-foot tub, bubbles still surrounding you. You felt large warm arms wrap around you, pulling you closer. 
> 
> _You didn’t need to question, you knew it was Kylo._
> 
> _His large frame filled the tub so much you were stat almost on his lap. The two of you were laughing about some inside joke, both just relishing in each other’s company._
> 
> _“I love you, (Y/N),” he murmured on the back of your neck._
> 
> _You responded in kind, lifting his big palm to your lips and placed a chaste kiss on his hardened knuckles._
> 
> _“As I love you.”_

You awoke with a jump, a loud noise from across the bedroom echoed into the refresher. You yelped realising someone else was in the apartment and you were naked and vulnerable in the tub. 

You sunk closer to the bubbles, holding your breath. 

“(Y/N)?”

You heard loud footsteps coming into the refresher, and Kylo appeared in the door frame, looking exhausted. Even still, he smiled gently. “You always did love that thing.”

“H-Hello, Kylo,” you said softly, feeling very exposed, still confused from your dream. You wanted to ask him if that was real but you also didn’t want to get his hopes up if your memory never came back. 

“Would you like to have dinner with me?” He sounded nervous, as if he were unsure of your response. You had a feeling the Supreme Leader rarely asked permission for anything. 

“Sure, just let me get dressed,” you smiled, blush spreading down your cheeks to the tops of your breasts, peaking out above the water. 

Kylo stayed put for a moment, eyes still watching you before realisation hit him. 

“Oh! Oh, okay. I’ll meet you out there,” he sauntered out of your sight. 

You exhaled a large sigh, the relation from your bath all but dissipated now. As you were climbing out, drying yourself off it dawned on you- you were about to go on your first date with your husband.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so so much for reading! I have a lot of idea for this story and I hope you stick around!


	4. Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You remember me,” he sobbed, his arms snaking around your legs on the chair, planting his wet cheeks in your lap. Heavy sobs wracked through his broad chest, echoing around the walls.  
> ...
> 
> You watched him intently, breath catching in your throat as he slowly leaned down to press his lips to yours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: There is explicit sexual content in this chapter!  
> Alsoooooo I hope you all remember there will be more angst, I just was feeling self indulgent!

After you finished drying off from your bath, you wandered aimlessly around the closet, not knowing where your clothes were, only finding mounds of black and leather. Resigned, you grabbed a black pair of sweats and t-shirt, clearly Kylo’s from the way they both hung from your body. You sighed and you made your way to the mirror. 

You glared at your reflection for many moments, trying to both remember the face that stared back as well as commit her face to memory. _Your_ face. 

When you padded your bare feet across the chilled marble floor, Kylo’s eyes looked back up at you. He gawked at you, his soft lips parted in surprise. 

“Oh, I’m sorry to take your clothes… I couldn’t find mine.” You looked away under his intense gaze. Your nimble fingers played with the too long hem of his shirt, falling a few inches below your hips. 

His feature quickly righted themselves, straightening his face back into its stern resting position. “No,” his voice was gruff, “It’s fine.” He turned sharply on his heel and walked out of the bedroom to the kitchen. 

You followed deftly behind, trailing by a few feet. You watched his back, taking in the sheer size of the man you were married to. He was clearly well over six feet, with broad, muscled shoulders and strong arms. He was so intimidating to see. 

He looked back at you, your smaller frame swimming in his clothes. He gestured to the now set table. “I had the stormtroopers bring food, it’s your favorite.” 

He was quieter than you’d expected. A mixture of shy and pensive energy surrounded him. The table boasted an abundance of flatcakes and gawa juice. It looked so mouthwateringly appetizing, especially when compared to the slop you received on the medbay. 

Kylo rigidly sat himself in front of a plate at the table, eyeing you expectantly. You took his hint and quickly sat in the seat across from him, the delicious air of the flatcakes wafting up at your face. 

The two of you sat in silence for a few awkward moments, both trying to catch fleeting glimpses of the other. You swallowed thickly, “Thank you for dinner, Kylo.”

The thanks took him by surprise, his gaze jerking up to your face. His brow furrowed as he thought. 

“You're welcome.” A beat; You thought he was done speaking. 

“I… I wanted to welcome you back from your stay on the medbay, as well as try to see if it could um,” he cleared his throat, “If it could help trigger any memories.” 

You felt a wave of guilt rush over you. You realized how hard all of this must be for him, to practically lose his wife, for her to have no memory of him, while he’s left mourning her. You quickly wrestled with your own thoughts for a few moments, but throwing caution to the wind, you decided to tell him. 

“Actually, Kylo I _have_ had a memory or two… I think.”

His grim face immediately lit up, brightened by the news. 

“Thats… thats amazing,” he stuttered trying to maintain his strict composure, “Please tell me, what do you remember.” His large brown eyes held your gaze, wide and hopeful. 

You were so filled with happiness just by his own joy you blinked blankly a few times before you could process what he had said. “Oh well it's kind of hard to describe? They’re like an image that pops into my mind, but it’s a full memory… I don’t think I’m making much sense.” You mirthlessly chuckled, blushing and looking away all the while. 

He hesitated a moment, looking like he was debating with himself. 

“Would… Can I try something?” He asked, voice small. 

You looked at him in confusion, but nodded anyways. This man instilled so much trust in you. You weren’t sure if it was earned or something you instilled in yourself. Regardless, you believed the man in front of you could never hurt you. Not intentionally anyways. 

“Okay, but please angel, tell me if it hurts too much.” Standing, he began to raise his ungloved hand to your head. Concentration evident on his face. 

You eyed him warily, waiting to comprehend whatever he was doing. 

Initially it felt like a small behind your eyes, almost as if you were trying to see something far off in the distance. That pull grew stronger, spreading the sensation across your whole head. The pull pricked within your skull, similar to when your foot would fall asleep. It wasn’t painful at first; the feeling wasn’t pleasant per se, but nothing you could not bear. 

Then the pain came. The already familiar pull began to morph into a sharp, concentrated almost stabbing sensation. The sharp feeling only intensified, as if a vibroblade was carving its way inside your skull. The pain caused you to cry out, a small; yelp escaping your lips. 

Immediately, Kylo met your eyes, worried. 

Using whatever reservoir of strength you stored, you nodded for him to continue. Though you didn’t understand what the pain was or how he was causing it, you knew it would somehow show him your memories. So, you endured it. 

You grit your teeth as Kylo’s invisible knife eviscerated your mind, stabbing and slicing. As soon as the pain had come on, it had begun to fade. Kylo’s hand dropped from your face, falling lamely at his side. 

You met his brown eyes once more, now filled to the brim with tears yet to be shed. His lower lip quivered just a touch before he fell to his knees. 

“You remember me,” he sobbed, his arms snaking around your legs on the chair, planting his wet cheeks in your lap. Heavy sobs wracked through his broad chest, echoing around the walls. 

Once the shock had paralyzed you faded, you slowly ran your fingers through his hair, in an attempt to calm him. 

Swiftly, he pulled himself up, so he was no longer kneeling but crouched above you. His nose was red and pronounced, his full lips pinker than before. 

You watched him intently, breath catching in your throat as he slowly leaned down to press his lips to yours. 

At first the kiss was soft, like feathers ghosting over each other. Then, as his hands laced themselves around your body, the kiss deepen. His left hand scooped down pulling you out of your chair, both of you now standing. His right hand cupped your cheek, keeping your lips close. Your nimble fingers gripped his bicep and the other tangled into his hair, fisted near the roots. 

Kissing Kylo felt like breathing. So natural. A _necessity_. Now that you’d kissed him once, you had no desire to stop. You could live your life in his arms, lips forming to each other, softly dancing the most private and intimate dance. The way your heart stuttered in your chest, the last active part of your mind briefly wondered if kissing Kylo might kill you. You couldn’t think of a better way to go. 

To your great and distinct displeasure, he pulled his face from yours by just a few millimeters, just enough for you both to gulp in air. You opened your eyes and found his staring back at you, wild. He began to open his mouth as if to speak, but your baser instincts got the better of you, and you roughly pressed your mouth to his once again. 

Without breaking the connection, Kylo pushed you backwards until your backside met the lip of the table, and he reached both if his hands around your waist and pulled you atop the table as if you weighed nothing, 

You spread your knees open, granting him room between your thighs. He stepped in, but you wanted him nearer. With both of your hands now knotted in his locks, you pulled his face impossibly closer. 

He’d lit the fire inside of you. You’d spent the days since you woke up in a daze, unsure of yourself or your place, but being with Kylo in this way cemented you were meant for each other. 

His long fingers caressed every inch of your exposed skin. Your neck, your arms, your face, any scrap of flesh he could touch. 

“Kylo,” You breathed when his lips traveled down your neck, marking you on your clavicle. 

“Mmhmm?” He hummed, lips not breaking from your skin. 

“ _Kylo_ ,” you repeated now, slightly more forcefully, small hand cupping his cheek, pulling his face into your view again. 

His ferocious gaze met yours once again, his breathing heaving and erratic.

“Take me,” you breathed. 

Before you could inhale again, Kylo had scooped you up, and carried you around his waist to the black bedroom. 

He set you down on the bed, laying you on your back, his body hovering just above. 

Warm kisses peppered down your neck, spreading a hot flush of need throughout your body. Every touch of his lips sent ripples of heat to your core, driving you on further. Soft moans left your mouth, slack jawed in a mix of pleasure and want. 

“Fuck, angel, I have missed those sweet little moans of yours,” he whispered in your ear, a new wave of gooseflesh puckering your skin. You shivered. 

“Please, Kylo, _please_ ,” you mewled, neediness clouding any logical thoughts you could’ve had. 

“Shh shh shh, Princess, I’m here.” he hummed, his warm hands exploring up your-well, his-shirt. 

You moaned again at the nickname. For a flash of a second you wondered how he knew your body so well, but you just as soon realized that it was because you were married. You must have been together countless times before. 

You forced all of your fretful thoughts from your mind, resolving to stay in the moment, to enjoy this moment with your husband. With the man who loved you so ardently. 

Eventually, his hands grew tired of the restriction your top posed, and he parted his lips from your body, once again only long enough to remove your shirt, and then he began exploring your familiar body. You were bare under him, 

“Princess, you don’t understand how much I’ve _missed_ your sweet body,” and then as soon as the words were out of his mouth, his latched on to your nipple, sucking softly, causing your back to arch off the mattress. 

You were like putty in his hands, a moaning mess under his touch. You keened into every stroke, every brush of his hands. What seemed like hours later, he reached the hem of the borrowed sweats, and after you nodded in agreement, he pulled the pants from your legs so quickly, you could've sworn you had a carpet burn. 

The cool air, now rushing over your body, collided with the warm wetness of your cunt, sending yet another shiver up your spine. But you weren’t cold. You were practically vibrating in an almost lethal cocktail of anticipation and nerves. 

You were now fully bare under his gaze, feeling shyer by the second as he just drank in the sight of your body. 

Silently, like a panther stalking its prey, he lowered his body in front of your spread legs. He moaned at the sight of the wet mound before him. Your breathing accelerated, and your heart beat so hard you were afraid it would explode out of your chest. 

The second his lips connected with your sensitive lower ones, you could have screamed. His skillful tongue explored the insides of you, as well as tracing intricate details around your clit. Your cunt throbbed in pleasure. 

His warm mouth lapped at your center, stoking the fire inside of you. 

“That’s it Princess, I wanna hear you moan for me,” He said, not lifting his mouth, so the vibrations shot through you. 

You moaned louder, your fingers finding home in his hair once again. 

His actions only tightened the coil in your belly, and you felt almost ready to explode from pleasure. 

“Please,” you urged, voice rough from moaning, “Please. I’m gonna-” Before you could finish your sentence, an unfamiliar sensation filled you. Before you could ponder it’s source, you were sent flying over the edge, climaxing all over Kylo’s face, as he continued to lick at your pussy. 

Your orgasm was so strong, you not only saw stars, but your vision went black for a moment. Once the after shock bypassed, and you began to feel normal again, you pulled his face up from your cunt, and dragged his wet mouth to your lips, unbothered. 

Though exhaustion penetrated every muscle in your body, you wanted to repay the favor. Your hands wandered down his body, but his pam caught yours before you could reach his prominent tent in his crotch. 

“No, not tonight my angel. You are so exhausted. We can worry about me in the morning.”

He was right, you were fully spent. So rather than use your remaining energy to argue, you wrapped your naked body around his still fully-clothed one, holding your husband close, and drifted off to sleep. 

* * *

_You were cold. You didn’t know why, but as soon as you looked around some part of your mind understood. You were on Crait, the planet where you’d been injured. Where you lost your memory._

_You were running off a ship, but you didn’t know whose or why. All you knew if you needed to save Kylo._

_“Don’t do this Ben,” you heard the elder Skywalker say, but you couldn’t dwell. You needed to help your husband._

_“Kylo!” You called into the white, salt-dust cloud before you._

_“Go away, Y/N!”_

_“NO!” You called back, praying he accepts your aid._

_Before you could understand what was happening, you felt a sharp pain first in your back, then your neck._

_You’d been flung into one of the mining walls. Kylo had thrown you._

_You fell to the ground, landing on your stomach, panic seeping into your very soul; Soon after the blackness took over, and you were gone._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! Thank you all soo much for reading and for being patient with me not uploading as frequently as I would like to! 
> 
> Exciting update: I am currently voicing Kitten in These Violent Delights by Lunaxxx for her audiobook on her patreon! This is such an amazing project to be working on and I am so excited for all of you to hear it! www.patreon.com/lunaxxx
> 
> Love you all <3  
> B  
> PS: you can follow my socials for updates on writing or whatever other bafoonary I get myself into! <3  
> Insta: momjeansenthusiast  
> Tiktok: momjeansenthusiastwrites

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thank you so very much for reading! I just got hit with inspiration for this concept and just basically word vomited this (short) chapter out, so please let me know what you think of it! I don't have any plans for this story yet but I am excited to see where this goes! <3


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